The baby shower has now made me fully aware: In order to add a new homo sapiens to your family, you need an additional 500 unique items of not insubstantial financial value and space requirements. There’s the obvious stuff, like car seat and changing table, but there are a million other things I never knew even existed, but they’re apparently critical to have. Who knew a young life can’t be without a humidifier and special tiny tweezers (for example)? I would bet that my mom would’ve never heard of two thirds of these items and that they didn’t even exist when I was born. And look how I turned out... (hey, no snide comments now!)

If all that stuff is this important, how do the tribes living in the jungle of Papua New Guinea ever procreate!? I bet they don’t have diaper genies... All that’s required to start life over there is a sharp rock to cut the umbilical cord, a pair of breasts, and some palm tree leaves. And nobody told me I would have to buy a bigger house to store all this stuff. The family room now looks like a bomb had exploded in a Babies R’ Us warehouse with baby items scattered everywhere.

Okay, I feel better now. Time now to look for that big house...